Dust for my Soul

Dust for my Soul

If my sole reason for existence was to be a good, Jewish mother, then did getting kicked out of my home and abandoning my faith mean that I no longer had a reason to be alive? I left the ultra-Orthodox community in which I was raised, angry at a world that had forsaken me in my despair, and I traveled across five continents in search of my self-worth. On my exciting and often reckless journey, I was able to make my own choices for the first time. I learned how to travel in an affordable and sustainable way that forced me to interact with strangers. I searched for Jews around the world in order to better understand my upbringing. I was showered with kindness, but I still felt alone. When the worldwide COVID epidemic put a halt to my traveling, I was forced to feel my emotions since my mind was no longer occupied with daily survival, and it finally had a chance to catch up with my body. The isolation was too much for me, and I succumbed to the thoughts I had been running from for so long and attempted to take my own life. Getting locked up in a psychiatric ward took away my freedom and robbed me of the ability to make all of my own choices. All but one; I had to choose to live.