Almost a Mother: Love, Loss, and Finding Your People When Your Baby Dies

Almost a Mother: Love, Loss, and Finding Your People When Your Baby Dies

"After my infant twins died, I couldn't find anything on the shelves at the bookstore that was actually honest. I found books about grief, sure. Books written by psychologists on the stages of grief and books that assured me that I would find my answers in prayer. This isn't meant to replace those. Those books are necessary, but in the raw, emotional weeks and months after losing my twins, what I wanted to know more than anything was that I was not crazy." Christy's captivating memoir about her hopes, her dreams, her loss, her grief, and ultimately, her healing, is a poignantly powerful and brutally honest account of what happens when tragedy hits. We never think it's going to happen to us. We never think it will happen today. But it does, and it happened to Christy. In an effort to find solace, Christy tried Googling, "What do I do when my baby dies?" Unfortunately, there just aren't any good resources out there—at least not any that are truly honest, not sugar-coated with clichés. Almost a Mother is Christy's way of reaching those out to those who have experienced a horrible loss of any kind, of any magnitude, in the hope of building a community of support and love. And, in her words, "I just wanted to know that I wasn't crazy because I wanted to punch the pregnant lady at Target in the face." "Author Christy Wopat's book has all of the ingredients - humor, raw honesty, detail, and illuminating metaphor - to make it an engaging read. She transformed the horrendously horrible reality of having delivered twins (Sophie and Aiden) who both died within hours of birth into this gift for her readers. It is part memoir and part morality tale. It offers a reality check ("I am not crazy" or "I am crazy and that's ok") and catharsis to those with similar experiences and advice to those of us wondering how best to help them. It is rife with insights regarding grief, parenting, friendship, love, and identity. " - Dr. Ed de St. Aubin, Professor at Marquette University "Almost a Mother speaks directly to the heart of all parents who have lost a baby. The raw experiences and emotions she shares are so relatable and heartwarming in the sense that you know you are not alone in your suffering and grief. Her strength in sharing her story will help other bereaved parents in their journey towards peace and hope." - Rachel Redhouse, Director of Empty Cradle "Pull up a comfy chair and a cup of tea, Christy Wopat's book is like a great conversation with a good friend. If you've had a stillbirth or early neonatal loss, you'll spend the whole time nodding in agreement. If you haven't, you'll be taken on an emotional journey through the resiliency of love. A mother's love is like no other, even when there's no one to 'mother.'" - Amanda Ross-White, author of Joy at the End of the Rainbow, Still Standing contributor Dear Reader, If you are reading this, there's a likelihood that you or someone close to you has just lost a baby. First, please know that there are no real words for the pain that you are feeling. This grief is like no other, and your grief is like no other. I wrote this book because after my infant twins died, I couldn't find anything on the shelves at the bookstore that was actually honest. I found books about grief, sure. Books written by psychologists on the stages of grief and books that assured me that I would find my answers in prayer. This isn't meant to replace those. Those books are necessary, but in the raw, emotional weeks and months after losing my twins, what I wanted to know more than anything was that I was not crazy. I wanted to know that the thoughts and feelings I was having didn't mean that I was the crazy lady on the made-for-tv movie who lost a baby and then went around stabbing people. I needed to know that I was not alone. I wanted to know that my rage against the pregnant lady checking out at the grocery store didn't mean that I was suddenly a terrible person. That I was going to be okay. In the pages of this book, you may disagree with thoughts or feelings that I have about grief. I tried very hard to make it known that in no way do I think that my thoughts are the only "right" ones. On the contrary--I know that everyone has their own journey. I just need to share mine in the hopes that someone can connect and maybe find some peace. What I hope more than anything is that you find some solace in knowing that you are not alone. That the hard work you are up against will be worth it. That some day the edges of the pain will eventually dull and, with any luck, the memories will turn into loving thoughts about the precious babies we lost. I'm not going to lie--it might be a while. In the meantime, hang in there. Find your people and lean on them. You've got this. All my love, Christy Wopat There was a time when my motherhood was invisible. I did have some tangible pieces of evidence. Two tiny urns--one blue, one pink. A white note card with four smudged footprints, and hospital bills pil