Addiction & Grief: Letting Go of Fear, Anger, and Addiction (For Fans of The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction)

Addiction & Grief: Letting Go of Fear, Anger, and Addiction (For Fans of The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction)

Emotional Recovery From Addiction Authentic recovery is more than an attitude. It is based on emotional work that involves an honest appraisal of one's life. It is through dealing with unresolved feelings of grief and anger that one can truly heal from addiction. The emotional “bottom” of recovery.  Just as one needs to hit bottom with drinking or using in order to begin recovery, eventually one will also hit an emotional “bottom” of fear, anger, and grief. And recovery can only start by first understanding how, when, and where those emotions took control. Author Barb Rogers challenges readers in recovery to investigate the unresolved grief and loss in their lives and helps readers navigate the impacts of those emotions—emotions that can lead back to using if not resolved. Finding healing and happiness.  Recovery from addictions involves more than getting sober. It involves finding happiness, which can only happen if the emotional work is done as well. Negative emotions have the ability to weigh on us and influence both our decisions and the way we handle life’s challenges. If we continue to live with fear, anger, and grief, we aren’t really free from our addictions. The steps to recovery—authentic and complete recovery—involve healing from the deeper issues in our life. Learn more about: The emotional healing that goes hand-in-hand with addiction recovery - Dealing with grief and resolving underlying issues - How to find happiness after getting sober If you learned from books like  This Naked Mind ,  Rewired ,  The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction , or  A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps , then you’ll want to read  Addiction & Grief . Barb Rogers became a professional costume designer after beginning her journey of recovery. She is the founder of Broadway Bazaar Costumes, and author of three books about costuming. She's the author of Keep It Simple & Sane: Freeing Yourself from Addictive Thinking , TwentyFive Words , and Clutter Junkie No More . Barb passed away in 2011. Addiction & Grief Letting Go of Fear, Anger, and Addiction By Barb Rogers Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC Copyright © 2011 Barb Rogers All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-57324-516-6 Contents AcknowledgmentsIntroductionGrieve It ForwardLiving ProofThe Storm WithinThe "G" ListWhispers and ScreamsExcuse Me? I'm AddictedStrange PackagesFrenemiesRecycleBalance SheetWho Loves Ya, Baby?Good GriefAll or NothingLetting GoFear, Anger, Grief, AddictionCelebrateDance on Life CHAPTER 1 Grieve It Forward Most people have heard of the "pay it forward" concept: A person with noexpectations commits a random act of kindness, the receiver of that kindnessdoes the same for another, and on and on it goes. For those addicts holding fastto their grief, there is a similar concept I call "grieve it forward." A personwith an agenda commits a specific act of cruelty to another, who then carriesthat into his or her day, and passes it on to another, and on and on it goes. As kindnesses are paid forward, they tend to grow. And they also tend to comeback to us. If we are kind to others, somehow it happens that others are kind tous. Or maybe it's just that we notice kindnesses. Unfortunately the same is true with grief. When we treat someone cruelly—yell ata clerk or flip off another driver or some more serious breach—we not only hurtthat person. We pretty much guarantee, unless they or someone else steps in tobreak the cycle, that the insult will be passed along. The world will be a bitmeaner. And unless we can find a way to break the cycle of grieving forward,it's going to come back to us. Things are going to escalate. Even if it's onlyour own self we're nasty to, the principle still applies. Years ago, I knew a woman who lived the "grieve it forward" concept to itsfullest. Around the bars where she worked, others had nicknamed her "Smiley."Looking back, the irony isn't lost on me. Behind that perfect white smile—which,by the way, was as fake as she was—lived a pissed off woman who always had anagenda, and it certainly wasn't to help others or make their lives better. Grieving for her early loss of innocence, any power and control she had over herlife taken from her through rape, and feeling conflicted about what she thoughtlife should be versus what she'd experienced, she lived mired in self-pity froma very young age. One by one, those closest to her hurt her, walked away, ordied, and she turned to one addiction after another. She raged on this way foryears, visiting her grief on everyone who crossed her path—she was grieving itforward in a major way. I watched helplessly as she purposefully committed hateful, hurtful acts onothers. It was as if releasing her fear and anger on another person would lessenher own pain. Instead, this cruelty merely compounded the feelings of guilt andshame she was trying so desperately to escape. I heard her blame everyone—includinga God, who she professed didn't exist—and everything in her life, asshe sp