I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce: Ending the Battle Between Holding On and Letting Go

I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce: Ending the Battle Between Holding On and Letting Go

I wrote this book after 25 years of working with military couples in various stages of divorce. As a psychologist, the pressure was always on to find ways to help patients embrace the suck of separation and make tracks for firm ground. In the military, you learn to adapt to pain and grow from it. During boot camp, pain teaches you to believe in yourself. Survival training uses pain to teach problem-solving. But how do you thrive when faced with the mother of all pain - an unwanted divorce? Has anyone developed training for that? We have. My husband, Joe Foster (best-selling author of In Movement There Is Peace) and I have collected hundreds of therapy cases where one person wanted a divorce and the other didn't. To make it into this book, the strategies had to prove successful in real people's lives to create radical change. The result is an indispensable survival guide for people who don't want to divorce and don't know what to do about it. Using true-life stories and daily practices, you'll discover: - Why your relationship slammed into a brick wall and what you can do about it - The truth about what your spouse is really running away from (hint: it's not you) - What happened to your husband/wife and who that stranger is that's posing as them - Secrets to radical acceptance that help you stay in control no matter what your spouse throws at you "Marriages, like all relationships, change over time. Divorce is one of the most challenging changes. This practical guide will help those divorcing to accept their new reality by providing a non-judgmental approach to managing our natural resistance to loss."-- Dr. Ron Levant, EdD, ABPP, former president, American Psychological Association, and co-editor of the Psychology of Men and Masculinities "Divorce is painful, but suffering is avoidable. The authors of I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce bring clarity to the fog of marital dissolution. Using cases from Dr. Foster's 20 years as a military psychologist, the authors tell real-life stories along with enchanting allegories to capture the universal pain and liberating hope behind loss. An inspiring take on the "third wave" of cognitive behavioral therapy popularized by Jon Kabat Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living." -- Bret A. Moore, Psy.D., author of The Posttraumatic Growth Workbook and editor of Counseling Military Couples " I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce is a fresh adaptation of the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It offers strategies to embrace pain, detach from negative thoughts, and stay in the moment-- all in service of growth during and after divorce. The principles are illustrated through the actions of real people facing the challenges of divorce. The lessons are entertaining, the exercises creative, and the experience is sure to benefit anyone who wants to let go of their struggle and stop their suffering."-- Lenore Walker, Founder of the Domestic Violence Institute and author of the Battered Woman Syndrome I wrote this book after 30 years of treating conflicted couples. Like the scientist who discovers a cure for a malignant illness, I found a cure for the suffering of divorce. The strategy uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (including Mindfulness training) to free you from the self-doubt, grief and anger that surges during a marital breakup. I don't particularly enjoy writing, and there were many times I felt like giving up on the grueling process of laying out my ideas on paper. I'm more of a one-on-one kind of person, and prefer to let the strategies unfold naturally during therapy. But every time I felt like giving up on, I thought about all the people who could benefit from these simple strategies. And so I persisted. Now my wish is that you do the same!  I don't really care about making money from this book, which is why you see the Kindle price is so low. My goal is to help more people than I can reach through my clinic-- maybe YOU.I know that marital separation is a chaotic time, so please let me hear from you in your reviews. Tell me if there are areas you found helpful and sections where you think I missed the mark. I guarantee you, I'm listening and will comment on your review if you ask or if I believe I should connect.Remember: "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!" Here's looking at the new you,Elaine  Dr. Elaine Foster is an APA Fellow, a prescribing psychologist and a board certified clinical psychologist working in Boston, Massachusetts and Las Cruces, New Mexico. She's treated hundreds of divorcing couples, and has written and contributed to several books on the subject of psychology. Her courses have been adopted by several universities including Alliant University, New Mexico State University, and the U.S. Air Force. Joe Foster is a scientist, public speaker and author of the best selling adventure travel book, In Movement There Is Peace. Using his knowledge and experience gained from many years of practic