Coming Up for Air

Coming Up for Air

For fans of Nina LaCour and The Spectacular Now , a powerful coming-of-age story about a girl with creative aspirations and the boy who charms his way into her life, centering on themes of addiction, loss, and the tumultuousness of first love--and how to find strength when everything falls apart. Ever since her mom's cancer scare, Hadley hasn't been one for taking risks. And after seeing her sister go through one too many heartbreaks, she definitely has no interest in dating. Hadley just wants to keep her head down and enjoy the rest of high school with her friends, focusing on her photography and getting into the art school of her dreams. Then enters Braden, star of the swim team and precisely the kind of person Hadley avoids, all bravado and charm and impulsivity. From their first moment together, they are perfect sparring partners, equally matched. And it's intoxicating. Braden sees her, really sees her, and Hadley decides it might be time to break all her rules. Braden shows Hadley how to live again, and soon Hadley is happier than she'll ever admit out loud. But that's before her family is faced with devastating news, and Braden starts hiding a growing, dark secret. As it threatens to shatter everything they've built, Hadley must confront her own actions and determine if she has the strength to walk away. "I'll never stop thinking about these characters. A beautifully written and deeply felt  debut about love and heartbreak-- fans of Jennifer Niven will adore this book! " --Kerry Kletter, critically acclaimed author of The First Time She Drowned " Powerful. ... Perfectly captures the struggle to get back to a certain version of your favorite person who has become impossible to reach.” -- Booklist , starred review "An absorbing love story for the 21st century ." -- Kirkus Reviews Nicole grew up in a small town in Michigan and currently lives in Brooklyn, NY with her husband, Matt. When she's not reading or writing, Nicole can be found cooking in her tiny apartment, trying to collect stamps on her passport, or laughing with her lifelong girlfriends. Visit Nicole online at nicolebtyndall.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @nicolebtyndall. Chapter 1  “Please, I need to see him.” My throat is tight and the desperation in my voice hurts my ears, but I force the words out. “I know what you’re going to say, but, just . . . please?”  The thirtysomething nurse standing in front of me in light blue scrubs answers patiently. “I’m sorry. His paperwork is clear. I can’t let you back.”  I feel like I’m watching, listening, from far away. This woman is my total opposite. She’s calm and composed, and it makes the frustration inside me reach new heights. I want to yell, I’m not hysterical! Which I realize will probably only make things worse. I force myself to stay quiet. To think before I speak.  I can’t argue with her. She’s right. It’s well after three in the morning. But I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stand not being here. And I guess I thought maybe the hospital operated by different rules in the middle of the night. Nighttime can have that kind of magic. Braden is the one who taught me that, but those are his tricks, not mine.  I take a deep breath. “Can you just . . . Does it say my name, specifically? Does it say ‘Hadley Butler’?” I look around as I ask, hoping I won’t find any familiar faces.  Her expression, full of pity, cuts like a knife. “It says ‘no visitors.’ ”  “None? None at all?”  “Just his parents.”  Panic surges through me. I search the room. “Are they here?” Of course they’re here. Their teenage son is in the hospital, where else would they be?  “They’re resting in the med inn.” Relief courses through me. I might get away with visiting without anybody knowing. I look back up at the nurse. The hospital lights are harsh on her face, casting unforgiving shadows under her eyes and on her cheekbones. My fingers, hanging empty at my sides, long for the familiar weight of my camera. If I were to photograph her in this light, it would be easy to frame her as a villain: the Gatekeeper. But it’s not her fault, I remind myself. She’s not the bad guy.  “Can you just tell me if he’s stable?”  “I can’t share medical information with anyone but family.”  “Is there anything you can do?” I plead, my questions piling atop one another like bricks of an abandoned haunted house. I can’t help it. Because if the tables were turned, I’m positive that he would find a way to visit me. Rules have never meant much to Braden Roberts. But I did. Despite everything, I know that.  Hope drains from me when I meet her apologetic eyes. I try one last thing. “If I gave you a note, would you give it to him? I mean, I know he can’t read it now. But it’d be there for him, you know, when . . .” I trail off. I’m not sure how to finish the sentence.  I feel at my pockets. Before I drove over here, I sat in my bedroom and frantically scribbled three different versions of a letter. One pathetically details how mu