Why I Wore Lipstick: To My Mastectomy

Why I Wore Lipstick: To My Mastectomy

THE BASIS FOR THE 2006 LIFETIME ORIGINAL MOVIE! "Her book's catchy title belies its substantial content: this is an honest, perceptive memoir from a feisty survivor who's willing to discuss every detail, like getting sick in cabs during chemo treatments, baldness and sex. " - Publishers Weekly Having recently graduated from Columbia Journalism School and landed her dream job at 20/20, the last thing 27-year-old Geralyn expects to hear is a breast cancer diagnosis. And there is one part of the diagnosis that no one will discuss with her: what it means to be a young girl with cancer in a beauty-obsessed culture. Trying to find herself, while losing her vibrancy and her looks, Geralyn embarks on a road to self-acceptance that will inspire all women. Although her book is explicitly about a period of time where she was driven by fear and uncertainty about the future, Geralyn managed a transformation that will encourage all women under siege to discover their own courage and beauty. The important and outrageous lessons of Why I Wore Lipstick come fast and furious with the same gusto that Geralyn has learned to bring to every moment of her life. This book is for any woman who has ever lost anything big. "Isn't attitude everything?" – Good Housekeeping "A bold memoir." – People "Surprisingly optimistic and immensely empowering." – Publishers Weekly "Geralyn Lucas makes you laugh and cry in the very same moment….. Buy this book for yourself, a friend, or any loved one who is enduring the experience of breast cancer. It's like nothing else ever written on the subject." –Lucy Danziger, editor in chief of Self magazine (the founder of Pink Ribbon) "Outrageous and often hilarious…This is a totally frank, inspiring and defiant account of undaunted courage." – Seattle Post-Intelligencer Geralyn Lucas graduated with honors from the Columbia University School of Journalism. She was an editorial producer at ABC News 20/20 for seven years before becoming the director of corporate communications and public affairs at Lifetime Television. She is also a proud member of Lifetime's Stop Breast Cancer for Life initiative. Geralyn lives in New York City with her husband, Tyler, and daughter, Skye. She never leaves the house without lipstick. She is the author of Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy . Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy By Lucas, Geralyn St. Martin's Griffin Copyright © 2005 Lucas, Geralyn All right reserved. ISBN: 031233446X Chapter 5 Why I Wore Lipstick I look at my right breast for the last time ever. It is the morning of my mastectomy surgery. The digital clock flips to 6:33 A.M. It is still dark outside but I am standing topless in a bright fluorescent-lit cubicle about to take off my jeans and un-derwear before I put on the surgical gown, hair net, and paper slip-pers the nurse has just handed to me. As I unzip my jeans, I do notice that strangely, there is a little mirror hanging on the wall. Who could ever be vain now? I touch the mirror to make sure this is all really happening and notice the deep bags under my eyes. I pulled an all-nighter just looking at my breast and wondering how to say good-bye. I even took a picture of it. I still can't believe that when I wake up after my surgery I will have only a blood-soaked bandage where my right breast is. I am shivering as I tie the surgical smock. It says PROPERTY OF MT. SINAI HOSPITAL in scary black letters. I realize that I, too, strangely, am now property of the hospital. There is an old air con-ditioner that is making my nipple hard, and I feel a rush of sensa-tion on my right side. What will it feel like when my breast is not there? I pile my long black hair under the hair net, hold the bangs up and push them underneath, and slide my feet into the scratchy paper slippers. I'm going through the motions, but when I look in the mirror again I start to sob. I have Sting in my Walkman, and I'm trying to picture walking in Fields of Gold. I have written down affirmations for today that I keep reading to myself: "The scalpel is my friend." I don't care if they think I'm crazy. The cab driver has shown me I have to speak up, and I do. There is a knock on the door and Dr. B asks if he can come in. He is in a suit and I am in scrubs. It is usually the reverse. He has come to visit me in the little cubicle and when he sees me his face drops, turning even greener than the fluorescent lights have made him look. I know that I took horrible, and it's not just the fluorescent lighting. He is trying to rally me, but I think that the Geralyn that he knows is already gone. At least I'm pretty sure of it. I can't sum-mon myself and I can't pretend that I'm feeling brave. I'm about to lose myself, to be cut into, and already I feel my body starting to slip away from me. I'm starting to feel each breath, wondering what it will be like to be put under anesthesia for the first time. How will I wake up from the surgery? Wil