Mama Drama: Making Peace with the One Woman Who Can Push Your Buttons, Make You Cry, and Drive You Crazy

Mama Drama: Making Peace with the One Woman Who Can Push Your Buttons, Make You Cry, and Drive You Crazy

Guilt. Criticism. Control. Competition. Anger. If these words reflect your relationship with your mother, then Mama Drama can give you the tools to free yourself from the binds of an unhealthy mother/daughter relationship. A woman's relationship with her mother is often the most complex, emotionally dramatic, and volatile one of her life. It is also one of the most important, as it affects everything from her career, to her health, her marriage, and her parenting skills. Drawing from her own experiences, as well as from those of other women, McGregor shows why there is so much dissatisfaction in mother/daughter relationships, and gives practical methods for healing. “A must-read for anyone who wants to improve the quality of her relationship with her mother.” ― Arielle Ford, author of HOT CHOCOLATE FOR THE MYSTICAL SOUL “This wonderfully written book is loaded with practical, positive, and uplifting ideas to heal and build perhaps the most important relationship of your life.” ― Brian Tracy, author of MAXIMUM ACHIEVEMENT "A terrific read! Mama Drama is practical, helpful, insightful, and dynamic." --John Gray, bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus "For her lessons on love and forgiveness, author Denise McGregor deserves to be named the Dr. Spock of Parent Care." -- New York Daily News DENISE MCGREGOR is an award-winning speaker and workshop leader. She lives in Southern California with her two daughters. Mama Drama Making Peace with the One Woman Who can Push Your Buttons, Make You Cry, and Drive You Crazy By Denise McGregor St. Martin's Press Copyright © 1999 Denise McGregor All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-0-312-20421-1 Contents TITLE PAGE, COPYRIGHT NOTICE, DEDICATION, ACKNOWLEDGMENTS, FOREWORD, PART ONE: THE WOMAN, INTRODUCTION: The One Woman Who Can Push Your Buttons, Make You Cry, and Drive You Crazy, PART TWO: THE CONFLICT, ONE: Mother: The Best Travel Agent for Guilt Trips, TWO: The Never-Good-Enough Blues: Handling Your Mother's Criticism, THREE: Mother-Daughter Body Drama: Rewriting Your Body Script, FOUR: Last Shot at Miss America: Living Your Dreams Instead of Your Mother's, FIVE: The Power Illusion: How to Stop Giving Your Power Away to Your Mother, SIX: And Mama Makes Three: Mama Drama and Your Marriage, SEVEN: Conscious Parenting: Minimizing Mama Drama in the Next Generation, EIGHT: Facing Your Mother's Death: The Moment of Truth in Your Relationship, PART THREE: THE PEACE, NINE: Creating a New Emotional Legacy: Changing the Way We Take the Drama, EPILOGUE: The Perfect Place for Mothers and Daughters, RESOURCES, PRAISE, ABOUT THE AUTHOR, COPYRIGHT, CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION The One Woman Who Can Push Your Buttons, Make You Cry, and Drive You Crazy Our mothers ought to know how to push our buttons — they were the ones who installed them. — LynEllen There is nothing like a visit from your mother to push your buttons. To say the least, it's an endurance test dodging the bullets of guilt, criticism, and control. At first you look forward to seeing her. You fool yourself into believing this time things will be different, and she will somehow mysteriously become the mother you always wanted. You tell yourself you really have missed her and secretly hope to find your fantasy mother, a nineties version of June Cleaver, waiting by the curbside. Then reality hits you like a cold shower when you pick her up at the airport and all she can talk about is how late you are and how long you made her wait with her luggage. She reminds you she's "an old woman now," and you shouldn't make her suffer in the heat and humidity. Shame on you for almost killing your mother. "Be careful with that bag," she scolds, "I have all my cosmetics in there," as if you've never traveled yourself and schlepped your cosmetics anywhere. Then she gives you the look, that stare that only she can do, that makes you feel eight years old again, and tells you, "You look pretty good for a middle-aged woman. Is that a new hair color you're trying?" All this before you've even loaded her luggage into the car. If you manage to get calmly in the driver's side and not look in the rearview mirror at your hair, you have more strength than most of us. But wait, this is just the beginning. She no sooner steps foot in the door when she comments, "Your house looks good for a change." Ok, so you're not Martha Stewart and have never claimed to be. What does she mean by that comment? you wonder. You shake it off and tell yourself it doesn't matter, when your two-year-old daughter comes screaming stark naked from the bathroom followed by the dog, who has somehow managed to jump in the bath with her. "You better get control of that girl," she warns you. "Today it's rebellion in the bathtub — tomorrow it's wheelies on the front lawn." You think, Thanks, Mom, for sharing, and set off in search of the baby-sitter you thought you hired so you could calmly pick up your moth